Author: Mike P. Taylor

If you’ve looked at the cost of college tuition lately (which is typically around $10,000 and up per year), you might be asking yourself, “Should my kid go to college? Is college worth it?“

According to several studies, nearly 90% of high school graduates say they want to go to college of some sort after high school, yet only about half of High school graduates say they feel prepared to go to college or begin a career.

Of the large majority of high school seniors who say they want to go to college, about half of them enter college without knowing what they want to major in – without knowing what they want to do with that college degree – and around 75% of them change their major before they graduate college.

In other words, the majority of high school graduates want to go to college, yet the majority of them don’t know why.

Maybe that’s why over 70% of college graduates work in a field unrelated to their major, and approximately one third of college graduates work in a field that doesn’t require a college degree. That’s a lot of time and money wasted. (Here’s one source, another source, and one more source.)

Most people rush blindly into college without even considering the consequences of going to college without having some sort of direction. For our culture, college has become a four year long rite of passage. It’s as if we feel as though we should be able to celebrate and have a pre-adulthood party in college because, well, that’s what everyone else does

The phrase “college dropout” has become a bad word in America. We look down on people who are college dropouts and think less of people who skipped college altogether. 

We’ve created a social structure where 17 and 18 year old kids feel pressured by society to go to college so they can be successful, then statistically over 60% of them will go into debt in the form of student loans. Then, nearly half of all college students will drop out before graduating. Source Source

This is a problem.

So we’ve got a huge number of kids going to college blindly, a huge number of kids taking out loans to do so, and then a huge number of kids not even finishing college and walking away with nothing but thousands of dollars in debt. And it’s not just a few thousand, either. The average amount of student loan debt owed is just under $30,000.

So instead of having a system that’s built to equip kids to enter the workforce in a productive way, we actually send them the opposite direction by putting them in a position to take on loads of debt.

What’s even worse is, we incentivize students to stay in school and continue going into debt by telling them that they shouldn’t drop out because then their student loan payments will kick in or by telling them that if they drop out they will lose scholarship money and have to repay it. There’s very much a fear-based mentality around college that says if you don’t go to college you’re a failure, and if you drop out you’ll have to work a dead end job and be broke.

College is expected in America, and if you haven’t figured it out yet, college is a business where plenty of people make plenty of money by students blindly going to college and blindly signing their life away financially before they’re old enough to even know what they’re doing.

Too many kids end up in their mid 20s with over $20,000 in student loan debt without even feeling bad about it. They become numb to the idea that student loan debt is dumb because everyone they know is doing it and all of their teachers teach them how to do it. 

As a result, student loans feel like monopoly money to them. The magnitude of what they’ve done doesn’t sink in until they have families of their own and they’re trying to keep everything afloat while student loans expect hundreds of dollars a month from them. Then they figure out far too late that college can be a disastrous waste of time and money if you don’t know what you’re doing.

But we shouldn’t be altogether against college. College started out as a good thing and at its core it still can be a good thing. For certain career paths, college is absolutely necessary to get the additional training needed to be able to operate at the level at which the job market needs.

For example, if you want to be an engineer, you probably don’t want to go out and teach yourself that. Most people would like to know that you got some sort of formal education before you start designing, inspecting, and building bridges that people are going to drive across.

We usually also like to know that whoever is operating on a family member’s heart or brain spent a significant amount of time in college learning how to do that in a very meticulous way. I certainly hope they didn’t teach themselves and I certainly hope they didn’t learn online.

So in very technical or high-expertise career fields, college is great. The problem is when over 1/3 of college majors in four-year institutions are in things like business, communication, and arts And over 2/3 of majors at two-year colleges are in liberal arts, general studies, and humanities.

In other words, a huge chunk of money, time, and energy is being spent on college degrees that aren’t necessary. That doesn’t mean they’re not helpful, but they’re not necessary to work in fields like business, arts, and humanities.

But, as a parent, you know that most high school graduates want the college experience. Many of them understand that it’s a social pressure thing, but they want to do it anyway. Either way, if your kid is considering degree programs and wondering if they have to go to college or if it’s worth the money spent, here are a few questions to ask:

What do they actually want to do with their life?

This seems like an obvious question, and I know they probably don’t know the answer to it yet, but this has to be the starting point. Too many people start by asking which college they should go to or where they should live or whether or not they qualify for federal aid. These are all great questions, but none of them make any sense if they’re not starting from a place of honestly asking themselves what they actually want to do when all of that stuff is gone.

It’s important to remind them that they’re on this earth to serve. God put them here for a purpose and that purpose is to know and serve him as their father and to know and serve other people in their family and community. That’s why everything we do drives us towards service. 

Harvard University conducted a nearly 80 year old study to try to figure out what led to healthier and happier lives, and they found that the keys to health and happiness are relationships and community.

Therefore, the purpose of college is for us to find a career where we’re best serving other people. This is important because you’ll need to reframe the way your kid sees “what they’re supposed to do with their life“. Because, very simply, they’re here to serve, and they’ll only be fulfilled when they’re serving. So when your helping your kid discover their “purpose,” what they should be looking for is:

1. What are they good at?
2. What do they enjoy doing?
3. What do they find important?
4. What do people need?

Write down the first three on a sheet of paper, then make a list, then write a list of careers where all three of those intersect. Once you have a list of careers where those intersect, then ask yourself, do people need this? Chances are, the answer will almost always be yes if it’s a viable career field where people are working and making money currently, but it’s important to run each of the careers on your list by that test so you don’t end up down a rabbit hole with something that’s just a good idea but doesn’t actually pay any money.

Do the careers you’ve discovered require a college degree?

Do the careers you’ve discovered require a college degree? If so, what kind of degree? An associates degree or a bachelors degree? Do they require a graduate degree? Do they even need a degree at all or can they substitute experience for a degree?

The quickest way to learn about how to get into a career field is to start reaching out to professionals in the industries you’ve identified and ask them what they would do if they could go back knowing what they know now. When people don’t have something to gain by giving you advice, they’ll give you the most truthful and helpful advice. So ask people who actually are doing the jobs your kid wants to do.

Once you’ve genuinely, honestly, and thoroughly, identified whether or not a college degree is necessary for some of the potential career options you’ve identified, then it’s time to move on to the third consideration.

What are the next steps they can take without debt?

Whether you’ve discovered that your kid will need college or not, the next step is to identify what they can do without debt.

Student loan debt may be normalized in America, but it’s becoming a huge problem and it will cripple your adult life. Student loan debt is now the second largest type of consumer debt category in America second only to mortgages.

So if they don’t need a college degree, then what apprenticeships and part-time jobs can they take, or where can they volunteer, to start racking up as much experience as possible? Maybe they need to live with you to save money. Don’t worry about them being free adults when they’re 19 years old and trying to get through college debt-free. They’ll have all their life to be independent. Let them take advantage of the shelters they have in place that are there to help them spread their wings and fly. 

But do have them start looking everywhere aggressively – making phone calls and writing emails and even dropping by business offices if they have to – asking people if they can apprentice, volunteer, or work for next to nothing just so they can learn. That’s the best way for them to figure out what they want to do and it’s the best way to get a jumpstart on their career.

If you’ve determined that your kid does need a college degree, then start looking at what it would look like for them to work full-time at a restaurant or some other position where they can make decent money, particularly tip money, for about a year or so before going into school. If they’re in high school, then start seeing what they can do to make some extra money now and then see if their college will let them do a payment plan for their first couple of semesters. They usually will, then they’ll have the summer to work their butt off to get money for the next round of payment plans. 

The smartest thing to do here is to flat out save up cash. A year of their life will feel like a lifetime they might feel like a loser, but the truth is, their being weird now so that they can be free from debt and the depression and anxiety that it brings on, and they’ll be the weird one who’s financially stable when their other friends get out of college making less than them and owing 30 grand in student loans.

The ideal scenario would be for them to get a job doing something even remotely close to one of the careers you’ve identified above. Then, they have a year to get experience related to a field they like, and by the time they go to school, they cash flow it and have a year of experience under their belt. Future employers will be thoroughly impressed by that.

So if you’re wondering, “Should my kid go to college and is college worth it?“ The answer is: it depends. 

It depends on what they want to do with their life, whether or not the things they want to do require a formal education in today’s day and age, and whether or not you/they have the cash to make it happen now. 

Remind them to be patient. Their life feels like every moment needs to be seized and that to do that they should go to college immediately so their dreams don’t slip away. But assure them that all of their dreams will still be waiting for them in a year or two once they get a little experience, cash, and perspective about how they can actually serve this world rather than going to school because they feel like that’s what they should do to be socially accepted.

Remind them to not be afraid to be different. Patience is unique, and it’s almost always the diligent and prudent who serve the world best and ultimately end up being the most fulfilled.

Have you ever gotten tired of the same-old stuff and decided to go down the path of starting something new in life?

Maybe it’s your job, your car, your hobbies, your hair, your clothes, the music you listen to, the way the organization you work for operates, the work you do within your organization, or practically any other area of life.

We’ve all been there. There’s nothing inherently “bad” about wanting change.

The trick is, how do you balance the old with the new? How do you balance the exciting new ideas of change with the boring old security of what’s currently at least somewhat working?

This is the question of competing priorities, and I call it the tension between boats and docks.

Boats and Docks: The Keys to Starting Something New

Docks

“Docks” are the things that are secure and necessary. They’re the things that have gotten us to where we are.

Docks are not glamorous, and you may have even come to hate them, but docks are the things that if they were removed from your life, something else would have to immediately replace it in order for you to maintain your current standing.

Examples of docks:

• The full time job you hate that pays the bills
• The effective but “probably-not-ideal-long-term” parenting tactics you use to maintain order in your home
• The “boring” vacation spot you take your family every year while you save to pay for your dream vacation
• The sturdy used car you drive that you have to keep driving while you look and save for a new car
• The mediocre standards at work that drive you nuts but that also maintain a moderate level of order and keep you afloat as an organization
• The prayers that feel awkward and uncomfortable while you grow in your walk with God

Docks are stable. They’re not ideal, they’re not exciting, and they’re not the long-term goal. They might even be downright uncomfortable. But they’re stable. They provide a base from which you can build.

Don’t get this confused. I am NOT telling you that you should stay in a situation that is truly unhealthy mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

If you’re in an abusive or otherwise unstable situation, you should absolutely seek the relief you need. But most of us aren’t in that kind of danger. Most of us are in situations that are stable but not ideal. Those are docks.

Here’s the thing: As terrible as they can feel sometimes, docks must be your priority number one no matter how boring they may feel.

You shouldn’t throw out family vacations altogether just because you can’t go on the vacation of your dreams.

You shouldn’t quit your job just because they’re not doing things how you think they should be done.

You shouldn’t get discouraged as a parent just because you don’t have it all figured out.

When you’re starting something new, you have to start from somewhere, and it’s only from that place that you can start to build your “boats”.

Boats

Boats are the changes you wish to see in your life, and we all should have them. Boats are plans and investments into something in the future. 

Examples of boats:

• a growing family
• a healthier diet
• a deeper level of intimacy with God
• a new date night idea
• a different approach to parenting to deepen your relationship with your kids
• an advancement in your career
• new ways to improve the culture at your job
• any other “next level” you can take in your life

We should all have boats based on our alignment with God’s vision for our future.

We should all be doing research and development in every area of our lives – and this does apply to every area of your life.

Every area of your life should be moving into the future with intentionality and an at least rough-draft plan for how each area will improve going forward, because being stagnant and complacent is no life at all.

The purpose of the “boat” is to build something better for the future and to keep you engaged and creatively driving forward for the benefit of those around you and generations to come.

Balancing Boats and Docks

It can feel overwhelming at times to balance boats and docks, but it’s entirely possible. Issues arise, however, when we start getting distracted and placing other priorities above our boats and docks. If “docks” are our first priorities and “boats” are our second priorities, then anytime we put something else as third, fourth, and fifth priorities above the first and second, we’re going to experience problems.

We do this for a number of reasons. We may be trying to please or impress other people. We may be averse to conflict and not be willing to tell people no. We might just be looking for an escape from the mundane work of our “dock” and the difficult work of our “boat”. Or, we may simply not have clear priorities in our minds to know what our “docks” and “boats” are.

Too many people, myself included, hustle their faces off on four or five different things and never actually accomplish any of them. They spread themselves too thin, and pretty soon their lives are just chaos and disappointment as a result of jumping from one project to the next on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis.

Don’t get me wrong, even when you’re only managing the top two priorities, things can get hairy. After all, priorities are meant to be put in order. When they’re not in the right order, things go haywire. When you put your boats ahead of your docks, your life becomes a ticking time bomb. Docks only tolerate neglect for so long before they begin to crumble beneath your feet.

Let’s be honest. Docks can suck sometimes. We get tired of the same old same old. We want near instant change, and when we don’t see it, we can easily get discouraged. We can easily get tired of doing something in which we’re not completely satisfied. Most driven people are not exactly in love with the way things have always been done. But docks are the things that allow boats to land, so never underestimate the value of the boring and steady.

The goal, of course, is to make the transition from dock to boat. It’s not that you’re never content; it’s just that you’re always moving forward and making progress. That process takes time, and it’s typically not one to be rushed.

So, when it comes to starting something new, prioritizing is essential. When you’re prioritizing, fill your calendar with two things in mind: docks first, boats second, and everything else in the parking lot. Whatever you do, do not let them swap places. Remember, you can only build a boat while standing on a dock, and you certainly can’t build it goofing off in the parking lot.

Have you ever wondered why dreams die? Why do people settle for lives that are less than what they imagined? How is it that too many of us (most of us) quit on our dreams and decide they’re no longer worth chasing?

People talk a lot about making a difference and changing the world, and that’s all well and good, but the problem with dreams is that they are just that: dreams.

Dreams don’t pay bills. The exchange rate on what-ifs is not great.

It takes a certain, somewhat rare, mindset to come up with purposeful ideas that will change things for the better, but it takes an entirely different mindset to bring those ideas to life.

See, most people hear success stories and think that great ideas and the audacity to dream is all you need to succeed. But it’s not true.

Dreams require a lot of planning, and more than anything, a lot of action. Thinking and dreaming and hypothesizing mean absolutely nothing until you take the necessary steps to bring it to life.

It can be inconvenient to map out the details, and even more inconvenient to actually take the small steps to carry out the details, but you have to have a detailed plan and detailed action to make it work.

The bigger lesson here is to not only make a plan, and not only take action on that plan, but take consistent action. Meaning, don’t give up after a week. Don’t give up after a month, or two months, or six. 

It’s tough, I know, but you have to pace yourself in order to be consistent, and consistency builds amazing things. After all, you know what they say about eating an elephant.

And there’s another reason why dreams fizzle…

I think the word fortitude best describes it.

Building a dream sucks. It’s easy to look at other peoples’ success and lose sight of that, but the truth remains. It’s a TON of hard work to build something that makes a real difference.

When you’ve worked 90 out of the last 120 hours and you haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of what it’s going to take to launch your idea, much less keep it going, that’s when most people stop. When you’re exhausted and stressed out, and it’s all for a vision, that’s the moment when the awesomeness of your dream kind of starts to go away.

You absolutely must have a plan of action that includes struggles and failure. That plan also needs to include some long hours, late nights, and sacrifices, but you need to plan for what happens when you hit a wall and are ready to quit – because it will happen. Anything else is wishful thinking. 

It’s easy to overlook that part because the dream is the fun part. But consistent work and fortitude is what puts you in the place to grow into something great and inspiring generations to come.

Look, having a dream is a wonderful thing, don’t get me wrong. Trust me, I’m full of them. After all, dreams are how all great things start. But until there’s a plan to actually put legs and feet and boots on that dream, it’s nothing but another cool story to tell people about. And frankly, most people are tired of talk.

We all get blinded by our own ambition from time to time. We get so caught up in what we want and how we see progress unfolding in our lives that we forget to back up and adjust our focus on what’s truly important around us. That’s when we need perspective. 

Perspective is defined as an attitude, a way of regarding something, or a point of view. Perspective is the difference between looking at an unruly child and seeing potential instead of brokenness, and perspective is always what will keep you focused on what’s most important as you pursue your purpose.

If you have commitments, a full-time job, and a side project you’d like to be doing full-time, you know exactly what I experienced in that moment with my son. It’s a worthwhile journey to pursue your purpose, but it’s a delicate balance.

So how do you make it all work?

How can you pay the bills, spend time with the family, and work on your dream – all without letting any of them go to ruin? Better yet, how can you maintain perspective in the midst of everything you’re pursuing?

I would be lying if I said I have a secret for you. But I do have a story that might help:

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mason jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. 

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.  He shook the jar lightly and the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. 

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students just laughed, and when the laughter subsided, the professor explained.

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things — your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions — and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else — the small stuff.” 

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.”

Pay attention to the things that are critical. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Laugh with friends. There will always be time to work. Take care of the golf balls first — the things that really matter. Set your priorities.  Adjust your perspective to see everything in your life -and everything you’re worried about – in the right order of importance. The rest is just sand.

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When it comes to balancing the things you need, the things you love, and the things you want, I can tell you one thing: The goal is to make time for all three; but you absolutely must remember which order they go in.

Think about your eulogy. What do you want your legacy to be? What do you want your life to stand for?

Do you want to be the guy who missed everything or who was stressed out and irritable all the time? Of course not.

Keep that in mind next time you’re making decisions about what to invest your time in.

Truthfully, there will be times of imbalance. When you’re learning a new skill or creating a new project that will make an impact, you’re going to get out of whack. But you have to bring yourself back within a reasonable amount of time. Don’t let it get away from you.

I think the best thing to do is to plan on sleeping less. Seriously.

Either wake up before everyone else gets up and work on your side gigs or do it after everyone goes to bed. Don’t do it while your son is jumping up and down on the couch next to you crying for your attention. That feels terrible.

Lunch breaks are good too. It’s a solid hour every single day, and if you plan it right, you can get a lot done in that hour a day.

Whenever it is, make time for yourself every day, but schedule that time around everything else.

I actually used to write blog posts while driving to the store to pick up things we needed. If we needed diapers I would go to the store and take my phone so I could use Evernote and speech-to-text in my iPhone to actually “write”, or speak, a blog post into my phone.

It probably wasn’t the safest thing in the world to do, but I kept my eyes on the road and I was able to accomplish something on an otherwise useless ride to and from the store.

Whatever you do, don’t guilt yourself into giving up on your dream altogether, but don’t talk yourself into thinking it’s the most important thing for right now, because it’s “building you and your family’s future”.

Your wife and kids won’t remember how great it was to build your dream from the ground up. You’ll just be the person who’s not in the pictures.