Mike Taylor

  • About
  • Articles

    • Newsletter

Topics:

Ambition Anxiety Church Communication Conflict Dreams Fear Impact Influence Popular Purpose Simple Living

Popular articles:

  • How to Have Influence Without Saying a Word

    Trying to influence people who have vastly different beliefs than you is maddening sometimes.

    If you know something – and I mean really know something through experience and research – and you share that information with someone only to get resistance in return…it’s easy to want to throw your hands up and walk away.

    I get it. The frustration is, most people operate in ignorance, speaking and acting on very limited facts or perspective.

    But when you engage with differing beliefs, there’s something happening beneath the surface that’s much more important than what you’re seeing.

    See, it’s been said that people won’t remember what you say, only what you do.

    But truthfully, people don’t always forget what you said, they just rarely hear it in the first place.

    It’s not because they’re rude. It’s just because we’re all mostly half-there.

    We’re busy scrolling, jumping from one thing to the next, and waiting for our turn to talk.

    We think we’re listening, but we’re just weeding through the noise.

    Presence has become rare. And rare things become valuable.

    Think about this:

    According to Forbes, 92% of highly engaged employees say they feel heard at work. In companies that outperform others, 88% of employees feel heard – compared to just 62% in companies that don’t.

    It turns out that listening isn’t just polite. It’s productive.

    One study found that brain development was increased in children who had interactive conversations where they were being listened to by an adult.

    Because being heard feels like being seen. And being seen changes people.

    The opposite is also true.

    Distraction doesn’t just break focus; it erodes connection.

    So the question being asked in the head of someone who’s speaking to you isn’t, “Did they hear me?” The question is, “Do they care about me?”

    This is the power of listening and engaging in conversations even when it feels like what you’re saying isn’t being heard.

    Because listening isn’t passive. It’s sacrificial. It costs you attention, energy, and pride.

    Scripture says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13)

    But listening gives something more valuable in return: trust, clarity, and belonging.

    You’re inviting someone into a connection with you by just listening.

    I’m not saying you should let misinformation go unchecked. But what I am saying is this…

    In a culture filled with opinions, it’s very rare and very valuable to listen even when it feels unproductive.

    You don’t have to be brilliant to make someone feel loved. You just have to be fully there.

    And appropriately and in time, speak truth. Give them truth in the connection made from listening.

    When we’re shouting opinions back and forth, neither are being heard. More importantly, neither feel like the other cares.

    And that is an issue worth addressing first before we worry about being right.

  • Is It Possible to Overcome Fear?

    Culture often says to conquer fear by mastering it. But what if you don’t need to master it?

    Fear can’t take anything from you. It can only tell you stories and receive what it convinces you to hand over.

    And most of the time, we give it more than we realize.

    Fear shows up any time you’re close to something meaningful. That’s not a flaw, that’s often confirmation.

    But at some point, we started treating fear like a signal to stop instead of another sign post along the way.

    There’s a moment in Moses’ story where God tells him to lead his people out of slavery. Moses is 80, unsure of himself, and afraid of public speaking. He tells God all the reasons he can’t do it – his past, his weakness, his fear.

    God doesn’t reassure him with comfort or confidence. He just basically says, “Go, I’ll be with you.”

    That’s it. No motivational speech, just a promise that he’ll be present.

    The fear didn’t leave, but Moses stopped letting it convince him to give it control.

    And that’s the shift – fear doesn’t have to go away for you to move forward, you just have to stop giving it the authority to decide what you do.

    Here’s what I’ve noticed:

    Fear is very real. But it’s not a flaw. It’s part of being human.

    Fear grows when we give it energy by obsessing, avoiding, or trying to outsmart it.

    But you don’t have to argue with fear to move forward. You just have to see it for what it is and keep going.

    Fear feeds on control. The more you try to reason with it and manage outcomes, the louder it gets.

    Peace doesn’t come from having a plan, it comes when you decide that it’s okay if you don’t have one.

    What if instead of overpowering fear, you just stop giving it the right to decide what you do?

    Fear will ask for what matters to you. But you don’t have to hand it over.

    It only takes what you give it.

  • What Is a Man?

    What does it really mean to be a man?

    Examples are getting harder to come by.

    I can tell you it’s rarely done well, but here’s what I’ve noticed in the men who’ve done it right:

    A real man shows honor.

    He builds others up instead of tearing them down. In fact, he hates tearing people down.

    He speaks well of people, even when it doesn’t make sense.

    He isn’t threatened by someone else’s strength or their weakness. He embraces both.

    A real man serves.

    He forsakes self-preservation.

    He shows up when it’s inconvenient.

    He thinks of himself less, not less of himself.

    He protects and provides first and foremost.

    He doesn’t virtue signal and he’s okay if people don’t like him for it.

    A real man is courageous. Not because he’s strong, but because he still shows up when he isn’t.

    He confronts his past instead of avoiding it.

    He cries.

    He faces discomfort instead of looking for an escape.

    A real man is honest about his imperfections.

    He doesn’t hide weakness. He relishes in his own growth opportunities.

    He gives grace. Lots of it.

    He values wholeness over perfection. And he knows the difference intimately.

    Most importantly, he knows his place, he bows his head, and he bends his knee to his Creator.

    This is what manhood should look like.

    Let’s pray we never lose our examples.

  • What Causes Good People to Do Unthinkable Things?

    What causes people’s lives to fall apart when it seems like they had it all together?

    Obviously, there a million reasons why people have affairs, leave their faith, or abandon their families.

    But regardless of the trigger, the root cause can always be traced back to something pretty simple: they lose perspective.

    Perspective is the ability to see an entire picture of what’s important and what’s not.

    When we lose perspective, our affection, time, energy, and resources start going to things they have no business going to.

    When that happens, we’re placing the heaviest weight of our lives (affections, belonging, etc.) on something that’s not foundationally secure.

    If work, for example, is not a foundational aspect in your understand of life, then placing inappropriate weight on your work will eventually cause internal friction.

    This internal friction is what psychologists call cognitive dissonance.

    Your mind knows what is supposed to be important (from your upbringing, your beliefs, your sense of social belonging, etc.) yet you’re not acting in accordance with that.

    Cognitive dissonance can cause a person to embrace actions that go against their character in an attempt to justify conflicting beliefs about themselves.

    When your perspective slips, you stop seeing the full picture, and you start focusing on things that altar your beliefs.

    When your beliefs start to drift, you experience cognitive dissonance (i.e., “why am I thinking like this?”)

    If you linger in that cognitive dissonance, you’ll eventually act in accordance with your beliefs to alleviate the internal friction.

    And it’s all traced back to losing perspective.

    So if you want to keep your life on track, guard your perspective like your life depends on it.

    But here’s the thing: perspective isn’t lost all at once. It’s a slow drift over time.

    So how can you keep your perspective in check?

    It’s simple, just not easy.

    According to Scripture:

    Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—whatever they do prospers. (Psalm 1:1-2)

    To “meditate” means to allow your inner dialogue to be saturated with Scripture.

    Which means you have to both sit with it and make room for it to sink in.

    But here’s the problem:

    • When you focus on work more than God, you’re in trouble.
    • When you focus on family more than God, you’re in trouble.
    • When you focus on anything more than God, you’re in trouble.
    • When busyness keeps you focused on everything except God, you’re in trouble.

    These things pull at your heart and shift your perspective.

    We’ve come to a place where we do not tolerate “unproductive” time. And it’s led to our perspective being shifted to anything other than God.

    There’s a reason God said, “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

    Because you have to be still to know.

    “Knowing” is perspective. Being still requires rejecting the demands to zoom into the micro-idols all around us.

    Where your investment goes is where your security is.

    So guard your heart by guarding your investment – your time, energy, focus, and affection.

    And slow down enough for your heart to come back to a true perspective.

    And, in the words of Jesus, “If you hold to my teaching [the Greek word means to abide, dwell, or stay with it for a long period of time], you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

  • Why Half of College Students Don’t Graduate, and Half of Graduates Don’t Use Their Degree

    College used to be marketed as being “for everyone”.

    It still is today to some degree (see what I did there 😉).

    That “mistruth” is more false now than it’s ever been.

    College can be one of the best experiences a young person has, especially if they go in with a plan.

    I’m very glad that doctors, engineers, lawyers, and scientists go to college.

    But having a plan and using college as a springboard to a successful career is not the norm.

    One survey found that a third of American adults had no plan after graduation.

    Another study found that about half of all bachelor’s degree graduates end up in a job that doesn’t require a college degree.

    Meanwhile, college graduates, on average, leave school with $38,000 in student loan debt.

    Most kids sign up for college, agree to pay the massive bill, then try to figure it out while they’re there. And sadly, almost half of them don’t (40% don’t graduate).

    College has become this place to extend high school and delay adulthood. And it’s not hard to understand why.

    We ask 18-year-olds to pick a major, choose a career path, and invest thousands upon thousands of dollars in a decision they don’t fully understand yet.

    And even if they do it right, there’s still one major skillset they probably won’t learn in college:

    How to solve real-world problems without a rulebook or a manual to follow.

    College teaches you how to research, write, show up on time, and follow instructions. 

    All of that has value, of course. 

    But real success – especially today – demands more. You have to know how to step into unclear situations and figure out what to do next.

    That’s rare today, and it’s because of how we teach our kids.

    It’s almost impossible to teach that in a classroom.

    Most college programs don’t regularly ask students to solve problems without a clear process. Students are taught to give the right answer, not find one on their own.

    But the people who build careers and lead teams and make things better are the ones who create solutions when there wasn’t a roadmap, not the ones who follow all the steps correctly.

    That doesn’t mean college is a waste. It has immense value for certain career paths. It just means there are huge gaps between what’s efficient for grading and what’s effective in the real world.

    And the truth is, we desperately need more problem solvers than we need rule followers.

  • Is the American Dream Dead?

    The American Dream as we know it is going away.

    It’s making way for new opportunity.

    For generations, the formula was simple: work hard, follow the rules, climb the ladder. Show up, do your job, and you’ll be fine.

    But now the ladder is gone.

    The jobs are being outsourced, automated, or eliminated altogether.

    And the dream we were promised is slipping through our fingers.

    Not because people stopped working hard, but because the reward for average is dwindling.

    And it’s not a glitch in capitalism. Capitalism is working exactly how it should.

    It rewards efficiency. It rewards speed. It rewards cheap.

    And robots are really good at all three.

    You can’t praise capitalism when it lifts someone up, then curse it when it replaces you. It’s just doing what it’s designed to do – to optimize.

    Which means you have to change what you bring to the table.

    Seth Godin calls this the end of the industrial economy. The death of “just showing up.”

    In his book Linchpin, he says the future belongs to people who bring something human – creativity, generosity, insight, care.

    Cogs, button-pushers, and box-checkers won’t excel in this model.

    Linchpins are not the cheapest or the fastest. They’re the ones you’d miss if they disappeared.

    • They’re the barista who remembers your name and your story.
    • The employee who solves problems before they escalate.
    • The designer who hears what you meant, not just what you said.
    • The teacher who turns information into transformation.

    Being a Linchpin means showing up with intention, solving real problems, and offering something no one else can replicate.

    We’re not being replaced because we’re lazy. We’re being replaced because we became predictable.

    And predictable is easy to automate.

    So now we face a choice:

    Mourn the loss of stability, or step into the risk of becoming irreplaceable.

    The American Dream isn’t dead. It’s just evolving.

    It’s no longer about climbing the ladder.

    It’s more about becoming a ladder that people would miss if it were gone.

    That, I believe, is an evolution that we desperately need.

  • How We All Became Addicted to Being Right

    Being right feels good. Chemically, it’s a drug.

    When you feel like you’re right, your brain is flooded with adrenaline and dopamine. 

    You’re on top of the world, in control, dominant, and powerful. 

    It’s easy to become dependent on that feeling for self worth. 

    Before you know it, you’re addicted to being right.

    This is why people poke and prod just to get a reaction out of someone. 

    This is why people jump into an argument on social media to bicker over something that’s essentially meaningless. 

    They’re addicted to being right. 

    Certainty can also become an addiction. 

    When we feel like what we’re doing is not 100% right or safe, there’s tension in the uncertainty, and we start missing the adrenaline and dopamine hits.

    That’s why starting something new is so appealing.

    The change in direction gives us that ever-elusive high of finding something that feels “right”.

    A study found that “a rush of dopamine accompanies fresh experiences of any kind.”

    Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps us feel pleasure, and anytime we find something new or feel like we’ve achieved something, that dopamine makes us feel important and victorious.

    So we ride from one high to the next rather than doing the hard work of digging in, pushing through conflict, and dealing with the friction of uncertainty. 

    Friction in the form of conflict or resistance causes your body to release cortisol, which is your stress hormone.

    Cortisol causes the thinking, reasoning, and compassionate side of your brain to go off-line. 

    When this happens, you go into “fight or flight“ mode. Your body goes into “lizard brain” mode, and its only goal is to survive. 

    That’s when the hunt for dopamine begins.

    And the cycle continues.

    To get your brain back online and out of the dopamine hunt, try this:

    Do something distracting to sober up emotionally.

    Walk, talk to a friend, play a game or watch a movie…do anything to throw your mind off the scent of the quick win it’s craving.

    It’s intoxicating to have a mountaintop moment, but you don’t need it. 

    You don’t need a cheap, quick win.

    You don’t need to ruminate or “vent”.

    Ruminating and dwelling on obsessive thoughts only feeds your brain‘s desire to be right.

    Step away, take a breath, and give yourself the space you need to make a reasonable and compassionate choice rather than fighting for another chemical hit.

    Box breathing techniques are particularly helpful to bring your mind to the present moment.

    You can also take notice of the objects around you or start counting your fingers and toes. 

    The goal is to engage the part of your brain that thinks rationally and compassionately so your survival-mode lizard brain can take a break.

    And in the margin required to emotionally sober up, you’ll be surprised how clearly you can see things.

  • Is It Healthy to Argue?

    For some reason, we like to connect conflict with failure.

    There’s so much conflict online and in the media that it’s become normal to think that all conflict is unhealthy.

    What’s interesting, though, is that a growing body of research is finding that healthy conflict is good for development.

    Christine Carter, Ph.D., Senior Fellow at the Greater Good Science Center says:

    “Research shows that learning positive conflict resolution brings loads of benefits to kids, boosting their academic performance and increasing their self-confidence and self-esteem.”

    They linked the ability to navigate conflict to increased achievement, higher-level reasoning, and creative problem solving.

    In their book Nurture Shock, authors Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman say this about the avoidance of conflict in human development:

    “In taking our marital arguments upstairs to avoid exposing the children to strife, we accidentally deprived them of chances to witness how two people who care about each other can work out their differences in a calm and reasoned way.”

    Here’s what professionals have found about how to argue well:

    The key to growth is better conflict, not less conflict.

    And there are a few keys to navigating conflict in a healthy way…

    Healthy people argue about resolvable issues, not nebulous complaints.

    Concrete issues can be resolved. Character flaws and emotional obscurities cannot.

    Researchers say, “Being able to successfully differentiate between issues that need to be resolved versus those that can be laid aside for now may be one of the keys to a long-lasting, happy relationship.”

    Also, good conflict requires being emotionally sober.

    Conflict puts our brain into fight or flight, and we’re incapable of thinking clearly.

    The chemicals released in an emotional state make us emotionally “drunk”.

    Bring yourself back to the present. Go for a walk, call a friend, read, or work out. 

    Do something to give your lizard brain a break so the chemicals can dissipate.

    And remember the goal:

    Unity is more important than being right.

    You don’t have to be right to experience progress.

    In fact, you rarely can have both.

    Most fights simply come from unmet expectations. So being willing to give up the need to be right is half the battle.

    Mental health expert Dr. John Delony says, “We think in pictures but we speak in words.” 

    Most relational problems stem from bullishly chasing different visions.

    So here’s simple part:

    Two people who are not emotionally drunk, who are willing to not be right, who argue about solvable problems…

    They grow through conflict rather than caving under the weight of it.

    And the result is a healthier culture.

  • The Quickest Way to Win an Argument

    A few important questions to ask for a productive, successful argument:

    • Will arguing my viewpoint benefit the other person? 
    • Am I too emotional?
    • Am I too dedicated to my viewpoint?
    • Am I excited when they say something wrong?
    • Am I looking for validation?
    • Am I speaking more than I’m listening?

    If the answer to any of these is yes, then your head isn’t ready to argue yet.

    Then ask…

    • Am I empathizing?
    • Do I know what they value?
    • Do I know why they’re arguing for what they’re arguing for?
    • Have I clearly communicated the reason behind my argument?
    • Am I prepared to compromise?
    • Am I giving them the benefit of the doubt?

    If the answer to any of these is no, then your heart isn’t ready to argue yet.

    The truth is always found somewhere between your beliefs and others’. Always. No matter how wrong they seem.

    If you prepare your heart and mind for that reality, then arguments become generous acts of back and forth for the sake of a deeper discovery of truth.

    We both win.

    And man…

    Imagine the world we would live in if we approached it that way.

  • How to Deal with a Panic Attack When You’re Scared to Death

    (If you’re going through a panic attack right now, skip to the bottom.)

    I used to think anxiety and panic attacks only happened to people who had mental health issues.

    Turns out, we pretty much all have some form of mental health issue.

    1 in 5 U.S. adults experience mental illness each year. (And I think the other 4 people were in denial.)

    Of those who experience mental health illness, anxiety and depression are by far the most common.

    And at the pace we’re all going these days, it’s not if but when you’ll experience feelings of anxiety.

    If you’re going through anxiety, depression, or panic attacks, know this:

    You are not crazy and this will not last forever. Take my word for it.

    I know what you’re feeling.

    The first time I felt a panic attack, I resisted it. I tried to shake it off, but it only made it worse.

    In the aftermath, I researched everything I could to figure out how to stop it from happening again.

    And I came across something that stuck with me:

    You only beat anxiety when you stop fighting it.

    So I stopped fighting and started noticing it instead.

    When it showed up, I didn’t try to fix it. I tried my best to not label it as good or bad. I just noticed it. 

    As hard as it was, I just let the discomfort be there without trying to fix it.

    Like watching a wave come in, then go back out.

    I learned that peace doesn’t come from avoiding anxiety. It comes from letting go of the need to control it.

    A certain amount of stress is part of life. Anxiety comes with caring deeply. There’s no version of life on this side of eternity where those things disappear.

    But you can get better at not running from them.

    And when you do, they slowly lose their grip. And slowly you find freedom in the release.

    I walked through this reality, wrestling with releasing control to God, for years.

    Then last night, panic showed up again.

    Not the band. The band would’ve been much cooler.

    This was the old familiar feeling of a panic attack.

    It was 2:30 am, and I woke up to use the bathroom. I had just had a dream that I can’t remember, but I do remember I woke up with a slight pit in my stomach.

    It was fear that something was coming. Maybe it was sickness, maybe it was just the expectation of something bad.

    It’s wild how expectations can create realities.

    I laid back down and I could feel the thoughts coming.

    The internal dialog went something like this:

    “There’s a pit in my stomach. Am I getting sick?”

    “I’m not getting sick.”

    “But what if…”

    “I’m not. Go to sleep.”

    “If I am getting sick, this is the beginning of hours of misery. And there’s nothing I can do about it.”

    “That’s right. If it’s coming, it’s coming. Nothing I can do about it.”

    “Now my nose is stopped up. It’s hard to breathe. I can’t get a full breath…”

    “Calm down. You’re fine.”

    “Oh no, I really can’t get a full breath…”

    “This is temporary. Sit with it. Ride it out. It’s just a wave of anxiety. It can’t do anything to you.”

    “I feel like I’m going crazy.”

    [at this point I feel the wave of butterflies start in the middle of my stomach and shoot out to my entire body]

    “Here it is. The panic is coming…”

    “It can’t do a thing to me. Thank you Lord for being right here.”

    [I’m laying on my stomach and I feel God say to turn over and lay flat on my back with my arms out and my legs fully extended.]

    “I give everyone and everything to you, Lord.”

    [I start box breathing for a minute, then because my breaths are rapid, it freaks me out more that I can only breath for 2 seconds in and 2 seconds out. So I stop box breathing and keep releasing control to God.]

    “I give it all to you, Lord. You’re in control. My body and my life is in your hands, not my own. Let what comes, come.”

    I laid there for a few minutes facing the panic without trying to control it. Just noticing it and sitting with it.

    At that point I felt what I can only describe as a calm discomfort.

    The next thing I remember is waking up at 5:30 am.

    Panic came and the panic went. And just like every other time, I was fine. It didn’t do anything to me.

    If I had been sick, running with spiraling thoughts wouldn’t have helped a thing.

    If it’s coming, it’s coming. So what. Let it.

    As Shaun Johnson says in his book Attacking Anxiety:

    You’re not crazy, you’re not alone, and this will pass.

    I’ve done this enough to know that this is a truth you can count on:

    “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty […]

    You will not fear the terror of night … nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness …

    A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes […]”

    (Psalm 91:1, 5-8)

    If you’re wrestling with panic, listen to this:

    Then listen to / read these: