Imagine a father and a son sitting in a living room together.
The son is 6 years old. His head is tilted back staring at the ceiling in boredom. He has a frustrated look on his face. Finally, he lets out a big breath, looks at his father, and says, “Dad, what should I do today?“
The dad looks at him and says, “I don’t know, son, what do you want to do?“
The son says, “I want to do whatever you want me to do.“
The father, confused, replies, “I want you to do what you want. I don’t want you to just do whatever I tell you to do.“
As a father or a mother, or as a son or daughter, can you picture this situation?
Why would the dad be frustrated? After all, the boy only wants what his father wants.
But the belief beneath the question that the son is asking really comes down to this:
“I’m afraid to choose because I don’t want to disappoint you.”
As a father, that’s both frustrating and heartbreaking.
We want our kids to feel free and secure around us.
We don’t want them to feel like we’re over bearing or controlling. We want to be the safe place they come with their creativity and ideas and dreams.
For a child to have such a fear-based mentality when it comes to their relationship with their father is a tragedy.
Instead of telling a child what to do, a good father is more concerned with how they do it.
As a dad, I don’t want to tell my kids what to do with their lives.
Instead, I want them to learn from me how to do whatever it is they decide to do with their lives.
I want to teach them things like:
- Whatever you do, do it with excellence.
- Love people in the same way you love yourself.
- Treat people with kindness.
- Serve other people before looking out for yourself.
These are the kinds of things I want my kids to think through as they do whatever it is they’re doing in life.
To tell them what to do only fuels their propensity to avoid their freedom to choose.
Imagine this same boy at age 18 coming to his father and asking him, “Dad, what major should I choose in college?“ Or, “Dad, what woman should I marry?“
It seems asinine that a child would live like that.
And yet that’s often how we approach God.
We’re afraid to do things we’ve dreamed of doing out of fear that God won’t approve.
Longing for the will of God becomes a mask for fear we’ve developed about the character of God.
Fear causes us to picture God as a harsh man (Matthew 25:24). We think that if we make the wrong choice, we’ll lose his approval.
But that’s not God’s character at all.
God is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love (see Exodus 34:6, Numbers 14:18, Nehemiah 9:17, Psalm 86:15, Psalm 103:8, Psalm 145:8, Joel 2:13, and Jonah 4:2).
God is patient, merciful, and loving (see Romans 2:4, Romans 9:22, Romans 15:5, 2 Corinthians 1:3, 2 Corinthians 6:6, Galatians 5:22, Ephesians 2:4-5, Ephesians 4:2, Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 1:11, Colossians 3:12-13, 1 Timothy 1:16, Titus 3:4-5, Hebrews 4:16, James 5:11, and 2 Peter 3:9).
I’ve spent long nights praying for God to give me the “right answer” between two good options. But I’ve almost never gotten a direct answer.
What I’ve found is that God will prompt me with questions and thoughts and help me filter decisions through his character.
He often asks me what I want. (See 1 Kings 3:5, Matthew 20:21, Matthew 20:32, Mark 10:36, Mark 10:51, Luke 18:41, and John 1:38.)
Other times he’ll wait until a desire bubbles up inside of me and I have enough courage and faith to ask Him for it. (See Genesis 15:2-6, Genesis 28:20-22, Exodus 3:7-10, 1 Samuel 1:11, 1 Samuel 1:19-20, 1 Kings 3:9-13, 2 Kings 20:2-6, Psalm 37:4, Matthew 7:7-11, John 14:13-14, John 15:7, John 16:23-24, Acts 10:30-31, and 2 Corinthians 12:8-9)
I used to see this line of thinking as selfish – that it’s selfish to think about my desires.
But what does a good father want?
A good father wants to be a part of his kids’ lives, and he wants to model for his children how to do whatever they endeavor to do in life with excellence.
For a child to make their own choices and act in the character of their father requires a deep intimacy, trust, and respect.
Fear, on the other hand, has to do with punishment (1 John 4:18). But there is no condemnation for those in Christ (Romans 8:1).
So what are you afraid of?
Make the bold choice to exercise freedom and receive mercy (Micah 6:8).
Then, in all your ways acknowledge him. But you have to choose a way first.
And whatever you choose, do it with all your heart and in the full representation of God so he gets the glory. (1 Corinthians 10:31, Colossians 3:17)
I think you’ll find that was the point all along.