The impact of your life is less dependent on what you’re willing to do and more dependent on what you’re willing to not do.
To achieve something, it’s natural for us to first think of what we can do to make it happen.
But when Jesus talked about the kingdom of God, he didn’t talk about what we needed to be willing to do.
Instead, he talked about what we needed to be willing to not do.
He challenged the disciples to leave everything they had to follow him.
When Jesus asked Peter, Andrew, James, and John to follow him, it was immediately after they had just caught so many fish it was sinking their boat. (Luke 5:7)
Imagine having the best day of sales you’ve ever had at your business, and deciding to walk away from it altogether on the same day.
If you consider the immediate requirements of discipleship, there wasn’t much for them to do.
But being willing to stop pursuing their business was a much bigger deal.
What Jesus was asking them to give up made no logical sense at the time.
Why would they give up the thing they had built – the thing he just blessed? Why give up their steady income?
We like to think that maybe Jesus would’ve played it safer.
Our version of Jesus would’ve asked them to give their extra time to him when they weren’t fishing.
He would’ve asked them to be part-time fishermen, maybe.
But he didn’t do that. He showed them what was possible, then he invited them to go all in.
In Luke 14, Jesus is talking about the value of counting the cost before you do something.
This parable has been used to justify playing it safe – to be as certain as you can before doing something. But that’s not exactly what Jesus was saying.
He basically says, wouldn’t it be dumb to endeavor to build a house or go to war without first thinking about what you’re going to have to give up in order to be successful?
If you think you can go into either of those things without giving up a great deal, you’re not going to be prepared to see it through.
Jesus ended that conversation by saying, “those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.” (Luke 14:33)
That’s not a paraphrase. Go read it.
When a king decides to go to war, he’s also deciding to not focus on farming, harvesting, building towns, and improving infrastructure.
By deciding to go to war, he’s giving up everything else.
It’s a reckless endeavor, but one that must be committed to wholeheartedly. Anything short of that will end in failure.
We all have things that God has given us to do that require our full commitment.
And it’s easy to say that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen.
But the more difficult question is:
What are you willing to not do?
What are you willing to give up?
Your number one barrier is not your ability or inability. Your number one barrier is distraction.
What’s so important in your life that it’s going to require the elimination of all distractions?
Because in order to fulfill your purpose, you’ll find that you have to be willing to give up your potential.
Of everything you’re doing right now, what will matter in a thousand years?
Jesus says in Revelation 1:8 that he is the one who is, who was, and who is to come.
His legacy is timeless, surviving all changes in the earth and all historical shifts in society.
If Jesus’ legacy is timeless, and Scripture says in 1 John that “in this world we are like Jesus” (1 John 4:17) then what are we doing that will stand the test of time?
Think of it this way: who can you name from a thousand years ago?
(I’ll give you a hint. It was the Middle Ages.)
Here are a few names you might know:
Joan of Arc
Charlemagne
Johannes Gutenberg
Marco Polo
Leonardo da Vinci
Genghis Khan
Unless you paid especially close attention in history class, you’d probably be hard-pressed to give any amount of detail about what any of those people did.
You probably know they were important. But were they impactful?
Important means “of great significance or value and likely to have a profound effect on success, survival, or well-being.”
Impactful means “to have a strong effect on someone or something.”
Importance is something we think is valuable. Impactful is something that changes things.
A City Council approving a new park to be built in your community is important. A father taking his son to that park every Saturday is impactful.
Do you see the difference?
Important things include:
Work
Projects
Household chores
Finances
Impactful things include:
Faith
Marriage
Parenting
Friendships
Important things are typically not people-centered. Impactful things always are.
And the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
You can do things that are both important and impactful. You can do work that changes people’s lives.
But important things tend to have a wide and shallow impact.
That’s because important work tends to be about providing something valuable to as many people as possible. In other words, it prioritizes reach over depth.
Impactful things, on the other hand, are all about depth and therefore tend to be more narrowly focused.
To have a genuine impact, it’s very difficult to spread out your efforts. Like drilling a well, impact tends to be an art of focused, consistent effort.
Now, here’s the important distinction:
Important work has the potential to be remembered for generations. But impactful work has the potential of being felt for generations.
There was a survey that asked teenagers to identify the person they admired most as a role model besides their parents.
(David Kinnaman, who directed the study, noted that parents were left out of the potential answers because so many teenagers either have high regard for their parents or feel otherwise compelled to list their parents as role models. To quote the study, “Previous research shows that mentioning parents is almost an automatic response for many.”)
In this survey, the respondents could have chosen musicians, athletes, community leaders, historical figures or any of the many, many, influential people kids learn to admire in popular culture and history classes.
But here were the most common answers:
37% answered a relative, such as a grandparent, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc.
11% answered teachers and coaches
9% said friends
6% said a pastor or other religious leader they know personally
In total, nearly two-thirds of teenagers said their closest relationships within their communities were the most influential on their lives.
Entertainers came in at 6%, followed by athletes at 5%, political leaders at 4%, faith leaders at 4%, business leaders at 1%, authors at 1%, science and medical professionals at 1%, other artists at 1%, and members of the military at 1%.
That’s only about a quarter of the total responses that included people outside of close communities (although some of the answers, such as athletes and leaders, could have been local role models).
What’s noteworthy from this study is that pastors and even Jesus were listed less than 10% of the time. That means if you want your kids to learn about Jesus, you have to model it. That’s what they’re going to retain. And that’s what’s going to have the greatest impact.
You might be wondering, “But how? What does being an impactful person or role model look like?”
Well, the study asked the same thing.
And when asked why the participants identified the role models they selected, here were the top reasons:
26% listed personality traits like caring about others, being loving and polite, being courageous, and being fun
11% said they were encouraging, which included helping them be a better person, always being there for them, or being most interested in their future.
In other words, a huge chunk – 36% – of why someone made the “most influential” list in a young person’s life was simply because they were kind and compassionate.
Here were some other answers for why they selected who they did:
22% said they wanted to emulate them or follow in their footsteps
13% said that he or she accomplished their goals
9% said this person overcame adversity
7% said he or she works hard
That’s 51% of the reasons falling in the category of simply being respectable.
If we break all of those reasons down, here are the three things that matter most when it comes to impacting people’s lives:
Having a close personal relationship
Showing people you care
Giving them something to respect by setting goals and following through
You don’t have to be a superstar. You don’t have to be wealthy. You don’t have to be well known. You don’t have to be intelligent or successful in the eyes of the world.
To have a significant positive impact on someone, you just have to care about people, be there for them, and show them what living a respectable life looks like by doing whatever you do with excellence.
This study shows us what we all inherently know is true.
Make a quick mental list of the people you have looked up to most in your life. This list usually includes at least one parent or guardian, probably a sibling, maybe an aunt or uncle, definitely your close friends, and maybe a pastor, coach or teacher.
These are impactful relationships. And impact equals influence.
But that’s not how our culture typically thinks of influence. We think that importance equals influence.
Time Magazine has what’s called the Time100, which is a list of the 100 most influential people in the world. This list includes innovators, musicians, actors, athletes, politicians, and other major public figures. It’s a list of important people.
For example, Patrick Mahomes made this list. He’s important because he’s done something that society deems important – he’s an elite athlete.
But whose life will be changed by Patrick Mahomes?
Kids will certainly be inspired by him to strive to achieve more in their own lives, but if you had to place a percentage on it, whose lives will Patrick Mahomes have a major impact on?
It will be his wife, his kids, his close friends, the kids he coaches and mentors on local sports teams – those are the lives that will be impacted by him. Not the countless people who are entertained by him on Sundays.
But here’s the tough part:
We love important work.
It makes us feel good because we long to build things, and today’s culture tells us that what we should be building is something important.
Important work will always fade away. Impactful work – pouring your life into the people closest to you – is what will matter when you’re gone.
Bonnie Ware, a nurse who provided care for dying patients, wrote a book titled, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. These are the top 5 regrets she listed:
“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
“I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
“I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
“I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
“I wish I had let myself be happier”
These are all relationship-focused regrets.
When we focus on what feels important, we’ll chase things that we think other people will respect us for (the #1 regret) and we’ll de-prioritize margin, rest, emotional health, connection to friends, and happiness (numbers 2-5 on the list).
Harvard’s 80-year study on what makes for a happy life found that, “Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives.”
Maybe that’s why the most common regrets are things that hinder close, real relationships.
Notice what’s not on the list of regrets, though. It doesn’t say, “I wish I had achieved more.”
Stop and acknowledge that.
Deep down, we all know what’s important. And yet we get blinded by what feels important.
Don’t get me wrong, important work needs to be done. We need people doing important work to advance our culture and create a better future for the world. The technological and medical breakthroughs we’ve had allow us to live the lives we enjoy today.
But we have to stop confusing importance for impactful. Don’t get sucked into the allure of important work. Yes, it must be done, but it’s not what matters most.
Focus on impact, first and foremost.
Focus on cultivating the relationships and resources that are closest to us. You’ll often find that important work stems from an impact-first mentality.
Then, in a thousand years, when no one knows your name and your memory is long gone, your legacy will be alive and well, replicating exponentially in the lives of the children’s children’s children of the people you poured your life into impacting.