A thousand years ago, getting a cup of water meant taking an adventure.

If someone asked you to go with them, it required serious consideration. Every yes carried actual weight, so people were okay missing out.

"I'm good, you can go without me."

The cost of being involved in everything was just too heavy.

Now to get water, we turn on a faucet.

Everything is easy because it's been optimized. Every app, text, opportunity, activity, sport, and organization is a chance to opt in, and we mostly do it without thinking. It feels like an assumed yes.

But the weight is still very real.

Now the weight comes in micro-moments. Instead of feeling like a brick, the yeses slowly stack like pebbles on our back, and at some point we wonder why we can't stand up straight.

Of course, saying no feels like rejection, and being left out feels like losing control. So we get addicted to being involved.

When someone invites you in, you feel important. When you opt out, you feel outside the circle.

So we keep the loop of yeses going and our lives keep spinning.

But the truth is, who you become has more to do with what you're willing to miss out on than what you're willing to be part of.

And it only works if you understand the power of order.

God, spouse, kids, then work and community (which trade places sometimes depending on the season). Everything else falls in line behind those.

And whenever there's order, there's margin.

Sweet, bittersweet margin.

Boy do we hate margin, because it isn't exciting. But margin is where the best stuff happens…prayer, dreaming, wrestling on the floor with your kids.

Margin makes these things possible.

When you see things through the lens of order and you start to treat margin as sacred, then missing out becomes one of the best gifts you can give yourself.