Depression has been rising for 20 years. And there’s at least one obvious culprit.
As Andy Andrews says in his book The Noticer, life’s opportunities and encouragement come from relationships.
It seems simple, but it’s a profound truth we’ve forgotten in a digital age.
Relationships bring meaning to life.
An 80-year study conducted by Harvard researchers concluded that, “Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives.”
And if you want better relationships, communication is vital.
Relationships are the product of communication – both verbal and nonverbal.
Today, though, most communication happens digitally.
One survey found that for Millenials and Gen Z, over 70% of daily communications happen digitally rather than in-person.
It’s probably not a stretch to say that your relationships are being built on a digital foundation.
Research is finding more and more that it probably isn’t a good thing.
Here’s what researchers have found about the value of in-person interactions:
- Face-to-face relational interactions are connected to lower depressive symptoms and higher life satisfaction
- Face-to-face relations are associated with richer relations and stronger social ties than those developed through technology-based engagement
- Heightened screen time is broadly associated with poorer mental well-being
- Working in-person (in an office) helps boost innovation and creativity
- The most valuable and effective communication is done in-person
- Face-to-face requests are 34 times more effective than emailed ones
- In-person presentations increase neural activity and engagement relative to the same faces in virtual “Zoom-like” on-line mode
- Using text-based communication for complex tasks like negotiating, decision-making, or problem-solving, negatively impacts a person’s interest and performance
It’s pretty clear:
Digital communications are not a good way to build relationships and work together towards shared goals.
Researchers generally agree that nonverbal communication (body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, even physical proximity) plays a significant role in how we process information and how we decide to trust people.
The famous 7/38/55 rule of communication from Albert Mehrabian suggests that as much as 93% of communication is nonverbal (words are 7% of the message, tone of voice is 38%, and body language is 55%).
The human voice also plays a significant role in communicating and connecting.
According to research, “There are linguistic cues that come through someone’s voice that suggest a feeling and thinking mind […] And since connecting with somebody means getting a little closer to their mind, voice-based communication makes that easier or more likely.”
Other studies have also come to the same conclusion – there’s something about hearing a person’s voice that enables us to connect more easily.
When you communicate with someone via text, you’re essentially trying to build a relationship with one hand behind your back and two feet tied together.
And we wonder why our relationships feel like they’re struggling.
It’s vital for our health to prioritize in-person interactions with the people we want to build relationships with.
Your thoughts are almost guaranteed to be at least a little misunderstood through email or text.
Research has shown that emotion cannot be accurately conveyed through email – even if the person you’re sending it to is a friend of yours.
When motives are in question, people typically assume the worst.
Humans are naturally inclined towards criticism, negativity, and catastrophizing.
One study found that as much as 70% of thoughts and internal chatter are negative.
The only way to overcome the human tendency to misunderstand intentions and assume the worst is to use all the communication tools available to you – 90% of which are only available face-to-face.
If you want to build a connection with someone, solve a problem, make a plan, or work through conflict, it’s almost always better face-to-face.