Mike Taylor

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Tag: Communication

  • The rare gift of listening

    It’s been said that people won’t remember what you say, only what you do.

    But truthfully, people don’t usually forget what you said, they just never really heard it.

    It’s not because they’re rude. It’s just because we’re all mostly half-there.

    We’re busy scrolling, jumping from one thing to the next, and waiting for our turn to talk.

    We think we’re listening, but we’re just weeding through noise.

    Presence has become rare. And rare things become valuable.

    According to Forbes, 92% of highly engaged employees say they feel heard at work. In companies that outperform others, 88% of employees feel heard—compared to just 62% in companies that don’t.

    Turns out, listening isn’t just polite. It’s productive.

    One study found that brain development was increased in children who had interactive conversations where they were being listened to by an adult.

    Because being heard feels like being seen. And being seen changes people.

    The opposite is also true.

    Distraction doesn’t just break focus – it erodes connection.

    So the question being asked in the head of someone who’s speaking to you isn’t, “Did they hear me?” The question is, “Do they care about me?”

    Listening isn’t passive. It’s sacrificial. It costs you attention, energy, pride.

    But it gives something more valuable in return: trust, clarity, belonging.

    You don’t have to be brilliant to make someone feel loved.

    You just have to be fully there.

  • Why face-to-face relationships are vital

    Depression has been rising for 20 years. And there’s at least one obvious culprit.

    As Andy Andrews says in his book The Noticer, life’s opportunities and encouragement come from relationships.

    It seems simple, but it’s a profound truth we’ve forgotten in a digital age.

    Relationships bring meaning to life.

    An 80-year study conducted by Harvard researchers concluded that, “Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives.”

    And if you want better relationships, communication is vital.

    Relationships are the product of communication – both verbal and nonverbal.

    Today, though, most communication happens digitally. 

    One survey found that for Millenials and Gen Z, over 70% of daily communications happen digitally rather than in-person.

    It’s probably not a stretch to say that your relationships are being built on a digital foundation.

    Research is finding more and more that it probably isn’t a good thing.

    Here’s what researchers have found about the value of in-person interactions:

    It’s pretty clear:

    Digital communications are not a good way to build relationships and work together towards shared goals.

    Researchers generally agree that nonverbal communication (body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, even physical proximity) plays a significant role in how we process information and how we decide to trust people. 

    The famous 7/38/55 rule of communication from Albert Mehrabian suggests that as much as 93% of communication is nonverbal (words are 7% of the message, tone of voice is 38%, and body language is 55%).

    The human voice also plays a significant role in communicating and connecting. 

    According to research, “There are linguistic cues that come through someone’s voice that suggest a feeling and thinking mind […] And since connecting with somebody means getting a little closer to their mind, voice-based communication makes that easier or more likely.”

    Other studies have also come to the same conclusion – there’s something about hearing a person’s voice that enables us to connect more easily.

    When you communicate with someone via text, you’re essentially trying to build a relationship with one hand behind your back and two feet tied together.

    And we wonder why our relationships feel like they’re struggling.

    It’s vital for our health to prioritize in-person interactions with the people we want to build relationships with.

    Your thoughts are almost guaranteed to be at least a little misunderstood through email or text.

    Research has shown that emotion cannot be accurately conveyed through email – even if the person you’re sending it to is a friend of yours.

    When motives are in question, people typically assume the worst. 

    Humans are naturally inclined towards criticism, negativity, and catastrophizing.

    One study found that as much as 70% of thoughts and internal chatter are negative. 

    The only way to overcome the human tendency to misunderstand intentions and assume the worst is to use all the communication tools available to you – 90% of which are only available face-to-face.

    If you want to build a connection with someone, solve a problem, make a plan, or work through conflict, it’s almost always better face-to-face.

  • Emotional intoxication

    Being right feels good. Chemically, it’s a drug.

    When you feel like you’re right, your brain is flooded with adrenaline and dopamine. 

    You’re on top of the world, in control, dominant, and powerful. 

    It’s easy to become dependent on that feeling for self worth. 

    Before you know it, you’re addicted to being right.

    This is why people poke and prod just to get a reaction out of someone. 

    This is why people jump into an argument on social media to bicker over something that’s essentially meaningless. 

    They’re addicted to being right. 

    Certainty can also become an addiction. 

    When we feel like what we’re doing is not 100% right or safe, there’s tension in the uncertainty, and we start missing the adrenaline and dopamine hits.

    That’s why starting something new is so appealing.

    The change in direction gives us that ever-elusive high of finding something that feels “right”.

    A study found that “a rush of dopamine accompanies fresh experiences of any kind.”

    Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps us feel pleasure, and anytime we find something new or feel like we’ve achieved something, that dopamine makes us feel important and victorious.

    So we ride from one high to the next rather than doing the hard work of digging in, pushing through conflict, and dealing with the friction of uncertainty. 

    Friction in the form of conflict or resistance causes your body to release cortisol, which is your stress hormone.

    Cortisol causes the thinking, reasoning, and compassionate side of your brain to go off-line. 

    When this happens, you go into “fight or flight“ mode. Your body goes into “lizard brain” mode, and its only goal is to survive. 

    That’s when the hunt for dopamine begins.

    And the cycle continues.

    To get your brain back online and out of the dopamine hunt, try this:

    Do something distracting to sober up emotionally.

    Walk, talk to a friend, play a game or watch a movie…do anything to throw your mind off the scent of the quick win it’s craving.

    It’s intoxicating to have a mountaintop moment, but you don’t need it. 

    You don’t need a cheap, quick win.

    You don’t need to ruminate or “vent”.

    Ruminating and dwelling on obsessive thoughts only feeds your brain‘s desire to be right.

    Step away, take a breath, and give yourself the space you need to make a reasonable and compassionate choice rather than fighting for another chemical hit.

    Box breathing techniques are particularly helpful to bring your mind to the present moment.

    You can also take notice of the objects around you or start counting your fingers and toes. 

    The goal is to engage the part of your brain that thinks rationally and compassionately so your survival-mode lizard brain can take a break.

    And in the margin required to emotionally sober up, you’ll be surprised how clearly you can see things.