About 8 years ago, I overdid it.

I had two jobs, two kids (one of which was a newborn), and a head full of business ideas. I poured every spare second into something new. 

No plan. Just “hustle”.

Eventually, the pressure broke through and I experienced a panic attack for the first time.

Out of nowhere, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I was certain I was having a heart attack.

I used to think anxiety happened to people who had mental health issues. But I learned that this is what happens when you try to carry too much alone.

At first, I resisted it. I tried to shake it off, but it only made it worse.

Then I came across something that stuck with me:

You only beat anxiety when you stop fighting it.

So I stopped fighting and started noticing it instead.

When it showed up, I didn’t try to fix it. I tried my best to not label it as good or bad. I just noticed it. 

As hard as it was, I just let the discomfort be there without trying to fix it.

Like watching a wave come in, then go back out.

What I learned is that peace doesn’t come from avoiding anxiety. It comes from letting go of the need to control it.

A certain amount of stress is part of life. Anxiety comes with caring deeply. There’s no version of life on this side of eternity where those things disappear.

But you can get better at not running from them.

And when you do, they slowly lose their grip.

And slowly you find freedom in the release.